But everything nice is not enabling! And that’s the quicksand we have developed in our culture. Staying connected, rewarding positive behaviors with positivity, being caring and loving; these things are critical to positive change. So what’s the difference? Positive reinforcement is doing “nice” things in response to positive behavior. Simple as that. When they get up on time in the morning, when they take their sister to school, when they text to tell you they will be late, when they don’t smoke pot on Friday night, when they help you make dinner instead of go for a quick drink with the boys on the way home..these are positive actions, and acknowledging them, rewarding them, being happy about them, is a GOOD thing, not enabling.
Enabling is a meaningful concept..it’s just overused to the point that families often feel their loving and caring is the problem. IT’S NOT! Caring about and staying connected in a helping way with someone dealing with substances is not only helpful, it’s one of the most powerful motivators for change. To restate the slogan: Attach with love…just love the positive actions and step away from the negative.